Summary

[Late Show with David Letterman : Senator John McCain Announces Candidacy] [NEW YORK, NY USA] Late Show with David Letterman: Senator John McCain Announces he will announce his Candidacy for President of the United States in April. 00:00:12 McCain says he will announce his campaign for President in April 2007 / Campaign 2008. 23:35:21 ( BAND PLAYING "LATE SHOW" THEME ) 23:35:25 >> FROM NEW YORK, THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD, 23:35:26 IT'S THE "LATE SHOW" WITH DAVID LETTERMAN. 23:35:30 TOGHT... PLUS PAUL SHAFFER AND THE 23:35:41 CBS ORCHESTRA. AND NOW, WEEPY FLORIDA JUDGE 23:35:53 DAVID LETTERMAN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 23:36:05 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING 23:36:06 "LATE SHOW" THEME ) >> Dave: THANK Y VERY MUCH. 23:36:23 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HOW NY OF YOU FOLKS WERE 23:36:33 AFFECTED BY THE BIG STOCK MARKET PLUNGE YESTERDAY? 23:36:37 400 POINT, THE STOCK MARKET DROPPED 400 POINTS YESTERDAY. 23:36:40 BIG CORPORATIONS WERE REALLY REALLY AFFECTED BY IT. 23:36:42 AS A MATTER OF FACT, TACO BELL HAD TO LAY OFF 200 RATS. 23:36:51 AND THEN THEY FIRED THEIR CAT. THE MARKET DROPS 400 POINTS 23:36:55 AND TODAY OUT OF HABIT JET BLUE APOLOGIZED. 23:36:58 ( APPLAUSE ) I FEEL PRETTY SMUG BECAUSE I 23:37:11 DID NOT GET HURT WHEN THE MARKET PLUNGED. 23:37:13 MY ACCOUNT, BLESS HIS HEART, HAS ALL HIS MONEY IN ASTRONAUT 23:37:17 DIAPERS. ( APPLAUSE ) 23:37:26 I WAS LOOKING AT THE PAPER YESTERDAY. 23:37:28 APPARENTLY EVERYBODY ON WALL STREET YESTERDAY LOST A LOT OF 23:37:30 MONEY. EVERYBODY LOST, EXCEPT FOR 23:37:33 SOME MYSTERIOUS REASON, EVERYBODY BUT MARTHA STEWART. 23:37:50 ANY DOG OWNERS HERE? ( APAUSE ) 23:37:54 ANY DOGS? DO WE HAVE DOGS HERE TOO? 23:37:57 IN NEW JERSEY, THEY PASSED A LAW YOUR DOG CANNOT BARK FOR 23:38:00 MORE THAN HALF AN HOUR. YOUR DOG CANNOT BARKOR MORE 23:38:04 THAN HALF AN HOUR OR THEY ARREST HIM AND TAKE HIM 23:38:06 DOWNTOWN. AND I'M THINKING IF YOU REAY 23:38:09 WANT TO CUT DOWN ON IRRITATING DISTURBANCES HOW ABOUT 23:38:13 LIMITING "THE VIEW" TO HALF AN HOUR. 23:38:17 >> Paul: LOOK OUT. WATCH IT. 23:38:25 THE GUY WHO DIRECTED THE TITANIC MOVIE, THE FILM 23:38:28 DIRECTOR? LISTEN TO THIS. 23:38:29 HE CLAIMS HE'S FOUND THE TOMB OF JESUS CHRIST. 23:38:32 I JUST HOPE THIS DOESN'T LEAD TO A COURT BATTLE IN FLORIDA. 23:38:35 THAT'S ALL. I THINK THIS JAMES CAMERON, I 23:38:45 GUESS HE'S A TREMENDOUS DIRECTOR, ACADEMY AWARD 23:38:47 DIRECTOR. I WONDER IF HE MIGHT BE, I 23:38:49 DON'T KNOW, JUST DESTABILIZED. HE CLAIMS HE FOUND A CLOCK 23:38:58 THAT'S ALSO A RADIO. HAVE YOU HEARD THIS? 23:39:05 ( APPLAUSE ) HEY, IS WEDNESDAY. 23:39:07 WHAT DO YOU.... >> Paul: VERY GOOD. 23:39:13 >> Dave: JAMES CAMERON THINKS HE FOUND THE TOMB OF JESUS 23:39:16 CHRIST. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THEY 23:39:19 FOUND JESUS BEFORE BIN LADEN? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 23:39:22 WHAT? ( APPLAUSE ) 23:39:24 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PAUL SHAFFER. 23:39:26 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 23:39:43 PAUL SHAFFER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 23:39:51 HERE TONIGHT WE HAVE SENATOR JOHN McCAIN FROM ARIZONA IS ON 23:39:53 THE PROGRAM THIS EVENING. ( APPLAUSE ) 23:40:02 PEOPLE SAY THAT HE MAY BE A CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT AND 23:40:04 MAY NOT BE A CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT. 23:40:05 EITHER WAY WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE HIM AS A REPRESENTATIVE OF OUR 23:40:08 GREAT LAND AND A TREMENDOUS SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY. 23:40:10 HE'LL BE HERE TONIGHT. WE'LL TRY TO SQUIRREL IT UP 23:40:14 AND SEE IF WE CAN'T GET HIM TO ADMIT HE'S GOING TO RUN FOR 23:40:17 PRESIDENT. GOING TO ADMIT FOR RUNNING... 23:40:18 ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT ME. I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT. 23:40:21 I WAS TRYING TO KEEP IT A SECRET BUT YOU GOT ME. 23:40:24 >> Paul: THESE DAYS WHO WOULD ADMIT IT? 23:40:26 >> Dave: ALSO OUR FRIEND ANDY KINDLER IS ON THE PROGRAM. 23:40:31 VERY FUNNY GENTLEMAN. AND ROBIN THICKE. 23:40:40 THAT REALLY DOESN'T TELL US MUCH ABOUT THE GUY. 23:40:43 TURN IT AROUND. THERE YOU VE IT THERE. 23:40:45 >> Paul: THAT TELLS YOU A LOT OF WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW. 23:40:50 RIGHT THERE. >> Dave: I JUST WANT TO WARN 23:40:52 TOURISTS AND ALSO LOCAL RESIDENTS AS WELL THERE'S A 23:40:54 CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF COUNTERFEIT MONEY IN 23:40:56 CIRCULATION. ARE YOU AWARE O THIS? 23:40:59 IT'S LIKE HALF A MILLION DOLLARS OF COUNTERFEIT MONEY 23:41:02 SO BE VERY, VERY CAREFUL BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU GO INTO 23:41:04 A STORE AND YOU'LL MAKE A PURCHASE, YOU SEE, YOU GIVE 23:41:07 THEM YOUR MONEY AND IN RETURN YOU GET THE COUNTERFEIT MONEY. 23:41:10 YOU WON'T REALIZE THIS UNTIL YOU'RE BACK IN THE HOTEL ROOM 23:41:14 PAYING THE ESCORT LADY. HERE'S A COUPLE OF THINGS TO 23:41:33 LOOK FOR. THE ONE RIGHT THERE IT'S OUT 23:41:35 OF FOCUS. DOWN HERE SOME OF THE SHADING, 23:41:38 SEE HOW THAT KIND OF EVAPORATES? 23:41:40 ALSO THE REAL KEY IN THE MIDDLE, YEAH, IN THE MIDDLE IS 23:41:46 THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. 23:41:48 IF YOU HAVE ANY OF THESE... YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE 23:41:57 SAYING THAT FIDEL CASTRO IS MUCH BETTER. 23:41:59 REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS ILL AND EVERYBODY THOUGHT IT WAS 23:42:01 LIGHTS OUT FOR FIDEL? APPARENTLY HE'S DOING MUCH 23:42:04 MUCH BETTER. AND AS A MATTER OF FACT THE 23:42:05 PROVE TO HIS SUPPORTERS THAT HE'S DOING JUST FINE, HE 23:42:08 CALLED HUGO CHAVEZ, THE PRESIDENT OF VENEZUELA, WHO IS 23:42:11 HIS OWN SPECIAL KIND OF WHACK JOB HAS A RADIO SHOW AND TO 23:42:22 PROVE TO HIS LOYAL SUPPORTERS FIDEL CASTRO YESTERDAY CALLED 23:42:25 IN TO HUGO CHAVEZ'S RADIO SHOW. 23:42:27 WE HAVE A CLIP. HERE NOW IS FIDEL CASTRO 23:42:32 CALLING HUGO CHAVEZ. TAKE A LOOK LISTEN TO THIS. 23:42:39 >> HEY, HUGO, MY MAN IT'S FIDEL. 23:42:42 I CAN'T TALK LONG BECAUSE I HAVE TO GET A SPONGE BATH. 23:42:45 I WANT TO WISH YOU A HAPPY WHIP 'EM OUT WEDNESDAY. 23:42:53 AND PLAY MY HUMP MY HUMP, MY HUMP, MY HUMP 23:43:00 >> Dave: A LOT OF EFFORT WENT INTO THAT ANYWAY. 23:43:09 WE HAVE A BRAND NEW SEGMENT ON THIS PROGRAM. 23:43:11 THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE DONE THAT. 23:43:13 IS THAT RIGHT? IT'S CALLED A MESSAGE FROM 23:43:15 FIRST LADY LAURA BUSH. A MESSAGE NOW FROM FIRST LADY 23:43:18 LAURA BUSH. TAKE A LOOK. 23:43:25 >> I UNDERSTAND HOW THE AMERICAN PEOPLE FEEL. 23:43:27 THE GEORGE IS REALLY REALLY A TERRIBLE PRESIDENT. 23:43:36 WOW. HE'S NOT RUNNING FOR 23:43:47 RE-ELECTION. I GUESS THAT'S THE KIND OF 23:43:48 THING SHE CAN SAY. BOY, IS MY FACE RED. 23:43:51 I DON'T KNOW WHY MY FACE IS RED. 23:43:53 IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THAT IT'S TIME FOR GREAT MOMENTS IN 23:43:55 PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES. HERE, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 23:44:00 (HAIL TO THE CHIEF) >> THAT THE ONLY THING WE HAVE 23:44:04 TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF. >> ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY 23:44:12 CAN DO FOR YOU. ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR 23:44:15 COUNTRY. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? 23:44:37 SAY HELLO TO OUR GOOD FRIEND ANDY KINDLER. 23:44:41 COME ON OUT, ANDY. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, MY FRIEND? 23:44:51 >> EVERYBODY IS GOOD. VERY EXCITED. 23:44:54 ALL MY STUFF IS SHOWING UP ON YOU-TUBE. 23:44:56 >> Dave: INDIVIDUAL... VIDEOTAPES HERE. 23:45:01 >> WHICH I'M SURE HAVE ALL BEEN CLEARED THROUGH LEGAL. 23:45:03 THEN ALSO LIKE PEOPLE WILL COME TO A CLUB, THIS GUY CAME 23:45:07 TO A CLUB. I GUESS HE FILMED ME AND PUT A 23:45:10 COUPLE OF MINUTES OF MY ACT. >> Dave: THAT'S GREAT. 23:45:12 >> THEN PEOPLE COMMENT ABOUT IT. 23:45:13 THEY'RE INSANE LIKE THIS ONE GUY COMMENTS GREAT QUALITY. 23:45:16 GREAT VIDEO QUALITY. LIKE I PLANNED FOR THE GUY TO 23:45:19 COME TO THE CLUB, LIKE... LET ME DO A THREE CELL PHONE 23:45:24 CAMERA SHOOT. I'VE GOT THE LIGHTS. 23:45:26 LET ME BRING IN PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW. 23:45:28 THEN SOMEONE ELSE WRITES IN, DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB, THEY 23:45:31 SAY. STAND-UP IS MY DAY JOB. 23:45:35 >> Dave: WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? 23:45:37 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH I WANT SAY TO THAT PERSON. 23:45:39 I WILL CONTINUE DOING IT. >> Dave: DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE 23:45:42 THE ACADEMY AWARDS. >> VERY, VERY DISAPPOINTING. 23:45:45 MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF THE YEAR GOT SHUT OUT. 23:45:48 >> Dave: WHAT WAS THAT? >> LITTLE MAN. 23:45:52 FIRST OF ALL DO YOU THINK THERE'S A MOVIE IDEA TERRIBLE 23:45:54 ENOUGH THAT EVEN THE WAYNES BROTHERS WOULDN'T TURN IT INTO 23:45:58 A MOVIE. YOUR PRINTER COULD BREAK. 23:46:00 YOU COULD SEND 150 BLANK PAGES OVER TO THEM BY MISTAKE AND 23:46:03 CALL THEM UP AND APOLOGIZE. THEY WOULD SAY WE LOVE IT. 23:46:09 A LOT OF ROOM FOR IMPROV. LITTLE MAN. 23:46:14 THERE'S A FACE PROJECTED ON A LITTLE PERSON FOR LIKE FOUR 23:46:17 HOURS LONG AND YOU SEE IT ON DVD WITH A COMMENTARY TRACK. 23:46:21 MY IDEA WOULD BE BIG BABY. THIS IS A BABY FACE THAT 23:46:24 PROJECTED ON A TALL PERSON. THE HOME MOVIE THEY WALK UP TO 23:46:29 YOU AND CAN I HELP YOU, SIR? (CRYING) TO THE RESTAURANT, 23:46:36 CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER? (CRYING) THEN IF THAT WORKS 23:46:41 OUT. >> Dave: WHY WOULDN'T IT? 23:46:42 >> THEN I GOT MARLIN WAYNE'S FACE PROJECTED ON A DOZEN 23:46:48 EGGS. THE REFRIGEROR JUST GOT 23:46:51 FUNNY. IT'S A KITCHEN FULL OF LAUGHS 23:46:53 WHEN MARVIN WAYNE PLAYS A DOZEN HILARIOUS EGGS. 23:46:59 >> Dave: NOW, LISTEN IN THE PAST ANDY YOU'VE BEEN TO U.S. 23:47:03 MARSHAL'S TRAINING ACADEMY IN GEORGIA. 23:47:05 YOU'VE BEEN TO THE PLAYBOY CLUB IN LAS VEGAS. 23:47:07 >> THAT WAS A HARD JOB FOR ME. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE 23:47:13 GUTTER. >> Dave: SPACE CAMP IN 23:47:15 HUNTSVILLE ALABAMA. YOU WERE AT A RODEO IN SISTERS 23:47:18 OREGON. WENT ON UNCLAIMED BAGGAGE 23:47:20 CENTER IN ALABAMA. >> FOR MY OWN LUGGAGE. 23:47:22 >> Dave: SUPER BOWL IN FEBRUARY 2006. 23:47:24 >> REMEMBER THAT. >> Dave: TELL THE FOLKS WHAT 23:47:27 EAR GOING TO LOOK AT TONIGHT. >> WE WENT AROUND MANHATTAN TO 23:47:30 HARASS SIDE KICKS AND PALM READERS AND ASTROLOGERS. 23:47:34 >> Dave: QUITE A BIG BUSINESS IN NEW YORK CITY. 23:47:36 >> THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE. MIND READERS AND PEOPLE READ 23:47:39 MINDS AS WELL. WE BASICALLY TRY TO BOTHER 23:47:42 THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND ANNOY THEM. 23:47:45 >> Dave: HERE IS ANDY KINDLER VISITING NEW YORK CITY PSYCHE 23:47:48 ICKES. TAKE A LOOK. 23:47:49 >> TELL ME WHAT YOU DO, ANNA. >> ALL RIGHT. 23:47:52 I AM A TAROT CARD READER. I'D LIKE YOU TO CUT THE CARDS 23:47:58 IN THREE PILES. >> THERE YOU GO. 23:48:02 >> ALL RIGHT. NOW WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE 23:48:07 CARDS BACK ANYWAY LIKE. >> IF YOU HAD WANTED ME TO DO 23:48:09 THAT, I WOULDN'T HAVE CUT THEM IN THREE PARTS. 23:48:12 IF WE'RE JUST GOING TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER. 23:48:15 IF I SAID THE WORD BE-DAZZLER TO YOU. 23:48:18 WOULD THAT RG A BELL AT ALL? >> NOT REALLY. 23:48:29 >> ARE YOU ABLE TO CONTACT THE DEAD? 23:48:32 >> YES, I AM. >> CAN WE TRY AND CONTACT JIM 23:48:35 NEIGHBORS. >> WHO IS THAT? 23:48:36 >> HE'S A FAMOUS SINGER. LET'S SEE IF WE CAN. 23:48:41 MAYBE HE KNOWS WHO GOMER PYLE IS. 23:48:46 >> HE SEEMS TO BE VERY CONTENT WITH THE WAY HIS LIFE IS YOU 23:48:51 HAVE A SPIRITUAL CONNECTION WITH YOU. 23:48:53 >> THAT'S TRUE. I CAN'T LIE ABOUT THAT. 23:48:58 >> YOU KNOW, THEY SAY ASTROLOGY IS THE CLOCK OF 23:49:03 DESTY. >> I HAVE A POSTER THAT SAYS 23:49:05 THAT. >> I GOT IT FROM THAT. 23:49:08 >> I THOUGHT IT WAS ORIGINAL. >> I'M HERE WITH ROGER. 23:49:14 ROGER, YOU ARE A MALE WITCH. IS THAT CORRECT? 23:49:16 >> I AM, YES. >> WHY IS WARLOCK SO OUT OF 23:49:19 FAVOR? WHEN SOMEONE IS TORTURED FOR 23:49:22 BEING A WITCH AS THEY USED TO DO ALL THE TIME, WOMEN'S 23:49:26 BODIES ARE MADE TO WITHSTAND MORE PAIN. 23:49:28 MEN'S BODIES USUALLY CAN'T TAKE AS MUCH PAIN. 23:49:33 SO THERE WAS A COVEN IF THERE WAS A COVENITH THE OTHER 23:49:38 WITCHES DO. >> DO YOU EVER WISH YOU HADN'T 23:49:43 ASKED A QUESTION SOMETIMES OR MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BRING UP A 23:49:46 TOPIC? >> IF YOU READ COFFEE LATE AT 23:49:51 NIGHT DO YOU FIND IT'S HARD TO GET TO SLEEP. 23:49:53 >> NO. >> DO YOU EVER FIND THAT 23:49:55 YOU'RE CRANKY IN THE MORNING BEFORE YOU GIVE YOUR FIRST CUP 23:49:58 OF COFFEE READING? >> NO, ACTUALLY I DO WAKE UP 23:50:01 VERY HAPPY. >> IN THE SUMMER DO YOU READ 23:50:03 ICE COFFEE AT ALL? WILL YOU LAUGH AT ONE OF MY 23:50:08 JOKES GIVE ME A CHUCKLE? SHE HAS THE AMAZING ABILITY TO 23:50:12 MAKE PREDICTIONS FROM WHAT'S LEFT IN THE BOTTOM OF A COFFEE 23:50:15 CUP. WOULD YOU SAY WHAT YOU DO IS 23:50:19 MORE BULL (BEEP NCHL (OR HORSE (BEEP). 23:50:24 DURING MY READING WITH ANAH, THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED. 23:50:27 I WAS DEALT THE DREADED DEATH CARD. 23:50:31 IF I DIE, YOU ARE LIBEL. I CAME IN HERE AND I WAS 23:50:36 REALLY FINE. I FELT GOOD. 23:50:38 I GET A DEATH CARD. ALL OF A SUDDEN IT'S A 23:50:41 SUGGESTION LIKE A HYPNOSIS. >> I DON'T SEE.... 23:50:43 >> I HOPE YOU HAVE TAROT INSURANCE. 23:50:48 I'M SURE YOU'RE VERY FAMILIAR WITH LOVE OILS. 23:50:50 I MAKE A LOVE OILS. WHICH I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE ON 23:50:53 . I'VE BEEN MAKING THIS LOVE OIL 23:50:55 SINCE I WAS 12 YEARS OLD. >> WHEN YOU USE ROGER'S LOVE 23:51:10 OIL, YOU'LL FEEL THAT TINGLE IN YOUR PANTS THAT MAKES YOU 23:51:13 THAT IT'S WORKING. CAN YOU PREDICT HOW THIS 23:51:18 COMEDY PIECE WILL END? WILL I GET A HUGE LAUGH? 23:51:32 >> NO. >> Dave: VERY NICE, ANDY. 23:51:44 WAIT A MINUTE. MARCH 9 ANDY KINDLER WILL BE 23:51:50 HOSTING LIVE AT GOTHAM FOR COMEDY CENTRAL. 23:51:52 >> SOUS GOOD. >> Dave: LOOKING FORWARD TO 23:51:53 THAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, ANDY 23:51:57 KINDLER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 23:51:59 SENATOR JO McCAIN, EVERYBODY. 23:52:03 SPEND LESS TIME LYING AWAKE... 23:52:06 WITH ANNOYING ACHES AND PAINS... 23:52:08 AND MORE TIME ASLEEP... WHEN YOU SWITCH 23:52:10 FROM TYLENOL PM... TO ADVIL PM. 23:52:14 ADVIL PM. LESS TIME LYING AWAKE. 23:52:16 MORE TIME ASLEEP. I'M FIGHTING A COLD... 23:52:20 BUT I'VE GOT MY FIRST FIGHT TODAY. 23:52:23 I WANT ADVIL COLD & SINUS. WITH THE POWER OF ADVIL... 23:52:27 PLUS A HARD-HITTING DECONGESTANT. 23:52:28 THAT'S THE POWER OF ADVIL COLD & SINUS. 23:52:31 NOW AVAILABLE AT YOUR PHARMACY COUNTER. 23:52:33 TRUCK GUYS WILL TELL YOU TAKING OFF FROM A DEAD STOP 23:52:35 WITH 10,000 LBS AIN'T NO PICNIC. 23:52:41 SO THIS HALF-TON'S GOT THE MOST TORQUE, 23:52:44 A SIX-SPEED TRANNY WITH TOW/HAUL MODE... 23:52:49 AND FOUR OVERSIZED DISC BRAKES. 23:52:52 BECAUSE STOPPING 10,000 LBS... 23:52:54 tires squeal ) AIN'T NO PICNIC EITHER. 23:52:58 AVAILABLE ON THE ALL NEW FULL-SIZE TUNDRA-- 23:53:01 THE TRUCK THAT'S CHANGING IT ALL. 23:55:28 HERE'S TONIGHT'S TOP TEN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 23:55:41 YESTERDAY THE STOCK MARKET'S WORST DAY IN FIVE-AND-A-HALF 23:55:43 YEARS. THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL 23:55:46 AVERAGE DROPPED 416 POINTS COSTING INVESTORS $600 23:55:51 BILLION! OUCH! 23:55:53 >> Paul: I GOT THAT ON ME. >> Dave: THE CATEGORY TONIGHT 23:55:59 TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE A BAD STOCKBROKER. 23:56:01 KIND OF THING YOU WANT TO BE MINDFUL WHEN YOU LOSE $600 23:56:05 BILLION. >> Paul: I WOULD SAY. 23:56:15 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? THAT MEANS NOTHING. 23:56:37 WAIT A MINUTE. THEN HIS PANTS GO DOWN. 23:56:39 THEN HIS PANTS GO DOWN. INEXPLICABLY HIS PANTS GO 23:56:43 DOWN. WHO'SOT A BAD STOCKBROKER? 23:57:30 >> Dave: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A 23:57:35 DECORATED WAR HERO, A BEST SELLING AUTHOR AND YOUR 23:57:37 SENATOR FROM... SENIOR SENATOR FROM THE GREAT STATE OF 23:57:41 ARIZONA. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SENATOR 23:57:42 JOHN McCAIN. JOHN, COME ON OUT. 23:57:44 ( APPLAUSE ) GOOD TO SEE YOU, JOHN. 23:58:02 >> GLAD TO SEE YOU, DAVE. >> Dave: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE 23:58:04 IN SIX MONTHS, EIGHT MONTHS, A YEAR, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 23:58:07 >> SEEMS LIKE FOREVER. >> Dave: BLESS YOUR HEART. 23:58:10 YOU HAD A BIRTHDAY. >> Paul: SENATOR, NICE TO SEE 23:58:12 YOU, SIR. >> NICE TO SEE YOU, SIR. 23:58:15 >> Dave: HE HAD A BIRDAY. >> TRAGICALLY. 23:58:17 >> Dave: NO, NO, NO. IT WAS A LANDMARK. 23:58:19 ONE OF THE BIG BIRTHDAYS. >> YEP, I'M OLDER THAN DIRT. 23:58:22 I'VE GOT MORE SCARS THAN FRANKENSTEIN. 23:58:25 I'VE SEEN A FEW THINGS. >> Dave: YOUR BIRTHDAY WAS.... 23:58:28 >> AUGUST 29. >> Dave: 70 YEARS OLD. 23:58:30 >> SHHH. DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. 23:58:33 >> Dave: SORRY ABOUT THAT. HOW DID YOU COMMEMORATE THAT 23:58:36 DAY? WHAT DID YOU DO? 23:58:37 >> CRIED. ACTUALLY, I SLEPT LIKE A BABY. 23:58:42 SLEEP TWO HOURS, WAKE UP AND CRY. 23:58:44 SLEEP TWO HOURS, WAKE UP AND CRY. 23:58:51 >> Dave: YOU COULD DO A LITTLE WORK ON THE TOP TEN. 23:58:57 >> I GUESS YOU'VE BEEN WONDERING WHAT WE'RE DOING IN 23:58:59 THE UNITED STATES SENATE. >> Dave: NO, I WANT TO KNOW 23:59:01 WHAT YOU DID ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. >> I TRIED NOT TO THINK ABOUT 23:59:05 IT. >> Dave: DO YOU HAVE ANY 23:59:06 SPECIAL ACTIVITIES? DID YOU GO ANY PLACE? 23:59:08 >> NO. JUST TIME WITH MY WIFE CINDY 23:59:10 AND ACCEPT CALLS OF CONDOLENCES FROM ALL OVER. 23:59:17 AND A FEW, YOU KNOW, ARE YOU STILL AROUND? 23:59:20 >> Dave: WELL, GOOD. YOU KNOW WHAT? 23:59:22 I THINK WE'LL JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT HERE THEN. 23:59:26 HOW ARE THINGS IN THE SENATE THESE DAYS, SENATOR? 23:59:31 >> Paul: WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT. 23:59:33 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Dave: BEFORE WE GET TO THAT, 23:59:36 WHAT ABOUT THIS? HERE'S WHAT WE REALLY WANT IS 23:59:39 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN GOSSIP AND DIRT AND BACK STABBING AND 23:59:42 THE DEMOCRATS NOW ARE IN A POSITION WRE THEY COULD COME 23:59:45 IN AND REALLY MAKE HAY. ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU HAVE A 23:59:49 LIKABLE YOUNG NEWCOMER, BARACK OBAMA AND YOU HAVE HILLARY 23:59:52 CLINTON. >> VERY ATTRACTIVE YOUNG 23:59:56 WOMAN. >> Dave: SUDDENLY THERE'S A 23:59:58 FEUD BECAUSE THE BIG MONEY FROM HOLLYWOOD HAS SEEMED TO 00:00:01 HAVE SHIFTED FROM HILLARY TO BARACK OBAMA. 00:00:04 WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT AND WHAT CAN YOUELL US ABOUT 00:00:06 THAT? >> I'VE NEVER HAD TO WORRY TOO 00:00:07 MUCH ABOUT THAT MYSELF. IT SEEMS THAT ACCORDING TO 00:00:14 SOME REPORTS THAT SOME PEOPLE THAT USED TO BE FRIENDS OF THE 00:00:18 FORMER PRESIDENT AND SENATOR CLINTON ARE NO LONGER THEIR 00:00:22 FRIENDS TO SAY THE LEAST. >> Dave: WHY IS THAT? 00:00:24 BECAUSE THEY FEEL THAT THERE'S A CERTAIN ENCUMBRANCE WITH THE 00:00:28 CLINTON NAME. AND THAT BARACK OBAMA DOES NOT 00:00:31 HAVE TO SUFFER. >> WELL, WE'VE HAD EITHER... 00:00:35 SERIOUSLY WE HAVE HAD A BUSH OR A CLINTON IN THE PRESIDENCY 00:00:38 OR VICE PRESIDENCY SINCE, I BELIEVE, 1988. 00:00:40 THAT'S A LONG TIME. PEOPLE START THINKING ABOUT 00:00:44 DYNASTIES. WE'VE NEVER HAD A GOOD SCOTCH- 00:01:02 >> Dave: AS A POSSIBLE CANDIDATE. 00:01:04 QUITE A FEW PEOPLE ARE ANNOUNCING AND SOME ARE 00:01:08 ANNOUNCED AND DROPPED OUT. >> THE LAST TIME WE WERE ON 00:01:12 THIS PROGRAM, I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER EVERYTHING VERY 00:01:14 CLEARLY. >> Dave: YES. 00:01:15 >> AS WE SAY. BUT YOU ASKED ME IF I WOULD 00:01:17 COME BACK ON THIS SHOW IF I WAS GOING TO ANNOUNCE. 00:01:20 >> Dave: YES. >> I AM ANNOUNCE THAT I WILL 00:01:22 BE A CDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 00:01:25 >> Dave: OH, WOW. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 00:01:31 GOOD FOR YOU. WOW. 00:01:47 A VERY POPULAR ANNOUNCEMENT. >> CAN WE TRY THAT AGAIN 00:01:52 (SINGING "HAIL TO THE CHIEF") HAIL TO THE CHIEF 00:02:00 >> Dave: HOW ABOUT THAT? >> GOOD JOB. 00:02:02 >> Dave: NOW, FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS AND WHAT WERE 00:02:06 THE FACTORS LEADING TO THIS DECISION? 00:02:09 >> I THINK TO BE ON THIS SHOW WAS THE FIRST REASON. 00:02:15 >> Dave: WELL, GOOD. ( APPLAUSE ) 00:02:22 SO YOUR PRIORITIES ARE IN THE RIGHT SPOT. 00:02:24 >> YOU CAN'T DO THESE THINGS WITHOUT MONEY. 00:02:26 I WILL TAKE THAT COUNTERFEIT MONEY THAT YOU HAD EARLIER. 00:02:31 >> Dave: WE'VE GOT A SHOEBOX FULL OF THAT. 00:02:35 LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME OF THE OTHER REPUBLICANS IN THE 00:02:38 FIELD. WHAT ABOUT RUDY GIULIANI? 00:02:40 HE'S IN, RIGHT? ALTHOUGH IT DOESN'T SEEM TO 00:02:43 HAVE BEEN AS DEFINITIVE AS WHAT YOU JUST SAID. 00:02:45 HE'S IN. >> BY THE WAY I'LL BE MAKING A 00:02:48 FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT IN APRIL. >> Dave: THIS IS NOT THE 00:02:50 FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT. >> THIS IS THE ANNOUNCEMENT. 00:02:52 YOU DRAG THIS OUT AS LONG AS YOU CAN. 00:02:55 YOU DON'T JUST HAVE ONE RENDITION. 00:02:57 >> Dave: YOU'RE SAYING THIS WAS NOT THE FORMAL 00:03:00 ANNOUNCEMENT. >> THIS IS THE ANNOUNCEMENT 00:03:02 PRECEDING THE FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT. 00:03:03 >> Dave: HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL? 00:03:05 >> YOU WERE FIRST. >> Paul: HE'S DOING THE FORMAL 00:03:10 ANNOUNCEMENT ON LENO. >> Dave: YEAH, WHAT ABOUT 00:03:16 THAT? THANKS, PAUL. 00:03:25 NICE GOING. I APPRECIATE IT. 00:03:28 >> YOU LIKE YOUR JOP ANYWAY, SO.... 00:03:33 >> Dave: LET'S RUN DOWN THE FIELD. 00:03:34 WE WERE TALKING ABOUT FORMER MAYOR GIULIANI. 00:03:38 >> AN AMERICAN HERO. >> Dave: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT 00:03:41 RUNNING FOR THE NOMINATION AGAINST THAT MAN. 00:03:42 >> I THINK HE'S GOING TO BE A VERY FORMIDABLE CANNED 00:03:46 CANDIDATE. I THINK HE RALLIED THE NATION 00:03:49 AFTER 9/11. I THINK THE AUDIENCE WOULD 00:03:50 AGREE WITH THAT. I THINK HE'S AN AMERICAN HERO. 00:03:52 >> Dave: ABSOLUTELY. EVEN WITH A SUBSTANTIAL 00:03:59 OPPONENT LIKE THAT, YOU STILL LIKE YOUR CHANCES OBVIOUSLY. 00:04:01 >> YES. >> Dave: AND DO WE EVER SEE.... 00:04:07 >> AFTER THAT DESCRIPTION OF HIM I'M NOT SO SURE. 00:04:10 MAYBE I SHOULD RETRACT MY ANNOUNCEMENT. 00:04:13 >> Dave: AND WHAT ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY PRESIDENT AND THE 00:04:16 VICE PRESIDENT THAT KIND OF THING. 00:04:17 DO YOU DIVIDE THAT SORT OF DEAL UP? 00:04:19 YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN SPLITTING THAT. 00:04:21 >> YOU MAY REMEMBER IN THE LAST ELECTION THERE WAS SOME 00:04:24 CONVERSATION ABOUT ME BEING VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED 00:04:26 STATES. IT WASN'T CLEAR WHICH PARTY. 00:04:30 AND I WAS ON ONE OF THE SHOWS AND THE GUY SAID, "WHAT'S THIS 00:04:33 ABOUT YOU BEING VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?" 00:04:35 I SAID I SPENT ALL THESE YEARS IN A NORTH VIETNAMESERISON 00:04:40 CAMP, KEPT IN THE DARK, FED SCRAPS, WHY THE HECK WOULD I 00:04:43 WANT TO DO THAT ALL OVER AGAIN? 00:04:47 >> Dave: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 00:04:50 SENATOR JOHN McCAIN. DODGE RAM -- 00:04:57 IT'S GOT A LEGENDARY HEMI V8... WITH 345 HORSEPOWER, 00:05:02 AN ALL-NEW, 6.7-LITER CUMMINS TURBO DIESEL... 00:05:05 WITH 650-POUND FEET OF TORQUE, OVER 5,000 POUNDS 00:05:07 PAYLOAD AVAILABLE... OR UP TO 00:05:09 16,900 POUNDS OF TOWING. DODGE RAM -- 00:05:12 THE LONGEST-LASTING, MOST DURABLE LINE 00:05:13 OF FULL-SIZE PICKUPS. NOW, GET UP TO $5,000 00:05:16 CASH ALLOWANCE ON RAM 1500. DISCOVER AMERICA'S HOTTEST 00:05:20 PRODUCTS AT YOUR DODGE DEALER. >> Dave: SENATOR JOHN McCAIN. 00:07:52 LET'S TALK ABOUT THE SITUATION IN IRAQ. 00:07:54 WE HAVEN'T CHATTID WITH YOU SINCE THE PRESIDENTIAL POLICY, 00:07:57 THE TROOP SURGE. I UNDERSTAND, I BELIEVE, THAT 00:08:01 YOU'RE IN FAVOR OF THAT PURSUIT. 00:08:02 IS THAT CORRECT? >> I THINK IT'S REALLY OUR 00:08:05 LAST CHANCE TO SALVAGE A VERY DIFFICULT WAR WHICH HAS BEEN 00:08:09 BADLY MISMANAGED AND WE'VE GOT A VERY GOO GENERAL OVER THERE, 00:08:13 A GUY NAMED GENERAL PETRAEUS. >> Dave: THIS IS A GUY YOU'VE 00:08:19 KNOWN THROUGHOUT YOUR CAREER IN THE SENATE. 00:08:21 >> NO, BUT I'VE KNOWN HIM WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW HE'S REALLY AN 00:08:24 OUTSTANDING GENERAL. GENERALSLONE DON'T DO IT BUT 00:08:28 HE DOES. I THINK WE CAN HOPEFULLY BRING 00:08:31 ABOUT A PERIOD OF STABILITY SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE ECONOMIC AND 00:08:35 POLITICAL DEVELOPMENT AND STOP THIS TERRIBLE BLOODLETTING 00:08:39 WHICH IS, AS YOU KNOW, SECTARIAN VIOLENCE, TRIBLE 00:08:44 THINGS ARE HAPPENING. SHOWING A LITTLE PROGRESS. 00:08:46 LET'S HOPE AND PRAY THAT IT WORKS. 00:08:48 >> Dave: HOW WILL WE KNOW? >> I BELIEVE THAT IT CAN. 00:08:51 >> Dave: WHAT WILL BE THE SIGNS THAT WILL INDICATE THAT 00:08:53 IS WORKING, THAT THERE IS STABILITY AND ECONOMIC 00:08:55 PROGRESS? WHAT WILL BE THOSE INDICATORS? 00:08:57 ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A CEASE-FIRE THROUGHOUT THE 00:08:59 ENTIRE COUNTRY AND THEN ANOTHER SIX MONTHS, ANOTHER 00:09:02 YEAR, ANOTHER TWO YEARS? WHAT? 00:09:03 >> I THINK FIRST YOU'D HAVE TO HAVE A VERY VIABLE GOVERNMENT 00:09:09 THERE, THE MALIKI GOVERNMENT HAS TO HAVE REVENUE SHARING. 00:09:13 THEY HAVE TO HAVE ELECTIONS IN THE PROVINCES. 00:09:16 THERE HAS TO BE A STRONG IRAQI MILITARY TO TAKE OVER OUR 00:09:20 RESPONSIBILITIES. REMEMBER, DAVE, IT'S NOT 00:09:23 AMERICAN PRESENCE THAT BOTHERS AMERICANS. 00:09:27 IT'S AMERICANS CASUALTIES. WE'VE HAD TROOPS IN SOUTH 00:09:31 KOREA FOR 50 YEARS. NOBODY MINDS. 00:09:32 IF WE CAN GET THE IRAQIS MORE CAPABLE OF CARRYING THE BURDEN, 00:09:37 OURS TO WITHDRAW, THEN I THINK WE CAN SET UP AN ENVIRONMENT 00:09:40 WHERE POSSIBLY THESE PEOPLE CAN HAVE A CHANCE. 00:09:44 BUT IT'S A VERY TOUGH THING. YOU SAW EARLIER ABOUT THE 00:09:49 IRANIANS SENDING IN STUFF AND THE LEVEL OF VIOLENCE HIGHER. 00:09:54 BUT THE ONE THING WE ALL AGREE ON IS THE YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN 00:09:58 WHO ARE SERVING ARE MARVELOUS. ( APPLAUSE ) 00:10:10 IN THE SENATE I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU WE SPENT TWO WEEKS 00:10:13 DEBATING A MOTION THAT WAS A VOTE TO CUT OFF DEBATE, TO 00:10:20 MOVE TO A MOTION TO CUT OFF DEBATE SO WE COULD VOTE ON A 00:10:24 MEANINGLESS RESOLUTION. THAT WAS YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT 00:10:27 WORK. >> Dave: THANK YOU. 00:10:28 NICE JOB. >> TWO WEEKS, JUST TWO WEEKS 00:10:32 WE SPENT ON THAT. WHEN YOU SAY TWO WEEKS, THAT'S 00:10:35 TUESDAY THROUGH THURSDAY. >> Dave: OKAY. 00:10:39 SO THE COUNTRY OF IRAQ IS STABILIZED. 00:10:42 THE GOVERNMENT, AS YOU DESCRIBED, IS VIABLE. 00:10:46 THE VIOLENCE IS NOW SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCED. 00:10:48 >> YES. >> Dave: THE NET BENEFIT TO 00:10:50 THE UNITED STATES BEYOND AMERICANS HAVE STOPPED LOSING 00:10:54 THEIR LIVES THERE IS WHAT? >> PROBABLY THAT WE HAVE A 00:11:01 FUNCTIONING DEMOCRACY OR A GOVERNMENT THAT WILL BECOME A 00:11:05 DEMOCRACY, THAT THERE WILL BE OIL REVENUES WHICH WILL THEN 00:11:09 BE USED BY THE IRAQIS TO BUILD UP THEIR OWN COUNTRY AND THAT 00:11:14 MAYBE IT WILL SPREAD IN THE REON. 00:11:16 YOU KNOW, THE ONLY REALLY ONLY TWO DEMOCRACIES, ONE IS ISRAEL 00:11:20 AND THE OTHER IS TURKEY, IN THE WHOLE REGION. 00:11:24 OBVIOUSLY WE'D LIKE TO SEE THAT. 00:11:26 I THINK KNOW WHAT YOU'R GETTING AT. 00:11:28 THAT IS SHOULD WE HAVE GONE IN IN THE FIRST PLACE? 00:11:32 THERE WAS MASSIVE INTELLIGENCE FAILURES AND BOOKS HAVE BEEN 00:11:35 WRITTEN ABOUT THE MISMANAGEMENT OF THE WAR AND I 00:11:38 WOULD RECOMMEND FIASCO OR COBRA 2 OR ONE OF THESE OTHER 00:11:43 BOOKS BUT WE ARE WHERE WE ARE NOW. 00:11:45 WE ARE WHERE WE ARE NOW. RATHER THAN REVIEW ALL THE 00:11:47 PROBLEMS WHAD, IF WE WITHDRAW EARLY WHICH EVERY 00:11:50 EXPERT I KNOW SAYS IT WILL DESCEND INTO CHAOS, SECTARIAN 00:11:54 VIOLENCE AND EVEN GENOCIDE, SO THAT'S WHY WHEN I SAY THIS MAY 00:11:58 BE OUR LAST CHANCE TO SUCCEED BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE VERY 00:12:02 FRUSTRATED AND THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. 00:12:03 WE'VE WASTED A LOT OF OUR MOST ECIOUS TREASURE WHICH IS 00:12:07 AMERICAN LIVES OVER THERE. >> Dave: AND NOW THERE'S A 00:12:10 DISCUSSION ABOUT, THE INDICATION, PROOF, THAT SOME 00:12:14 OF THESE EXPLOSIVE DEVICES ARE COMING IN AND BEING SET OFF 00:12:17 WITH THE HELP OF IRANIANS AND MORE AND MORE THAT THEY'RE 00:12:21 INSINUATING THEMSELVES INTO THAT CONFLICT. 00:12:24 >> VERY LETHAL. >> Dave: AND ARE WE NOW TO 00:12:26 BELIEVE THAT GROUND WORK IS BEING LAID THERE FOR SOME KIND 00:12:29 OF INCURSION? >> NO, I DON'T THINK ACCEPT 00:12:33 THAT. I THINK IT'S TERRIBLE THAT THE 00:12:37 IRANIANS ARE DOING THIS. WE'VE ALSO GOT ANOTHER PROBLEM 00:12:39 WITH THE IRANIANS AND THAT IS THAT THEY'RE BUILDING NUCLEAR 00:12:43 WEAPONS AS YOU KNOW. THE LATEST INSPECTOR OVER 00:12:46 THERE SAYS THEY ARE NOT STOPPING IT. 00:12:48 WE HAVE TO GET SANCTIONS AND WE'VE GOT TO GET OUR ALLIES TO 00:12:51 JOIN US IN TRYING TO PUT EVERY KIND OF PRESSURE ON THE 00:12:54 IRANIAN GOVERNMENT TO STOP THAT. 00:12:57 SUPPOSE YOU'RE THE PRIME MINISTER OF ISRAEL AND YOUR 00:12:59 INTELLIGEN COMES TO YOU AND SAYS THE IRANIANS HAVE A 00:13:02 NUCLEAR WEAPON. IT'S ON A MISSILE AIMED AT US 00:13:06 AND THEIR PRESIDENT HAS STATED TIME AFTER TIME THAT THEIR 00:13:08 GOAL IS THE EXTINCTION OF THE STATE OF ISRAEL. 00:13:10 THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. AS A COUNTRY AND AS TWO 00:13:13 PARTIES, WE'VEOT TO SIT DOWN TOGETHER AND WORK OUT SOME OF 00:13:17 THESE STRATEGIES TOGETHER IN A BIPARTISAN FASHION. 00:13:20 YOU KNOW, POLITICAL PARTIES DON'T LOSE WARS. 00:13:26 PRESIDENTS DON'T LOSE WARS. NATIONS LOSE WARS. 00:13:29 WHEN NATIONS LOSE WARS, NATIONS SUFFER FROM IT. 00:13:32 SO WE'VE GOT TOO MUCH OF THIS PARTISANSHIP, I THINK WE 00:13:36 SHOULD SIT DOWN AS GROWN-UPS AND TRY TO ADDRESS THIS 00:13:39 PROBLEM WITH IRAN TODAY. >> Dave: AND YOU BELIEVE THAT 00:13:42 WHAT YOU JUST DESCRIBED WITH THE PARTIES YOU DESCRIBED IS 00:13:46 LIKELY? IS POSSIBLE? 00:13:47 >> OH, I THINK SO. I CAN PROMISE YOU IF I'M 00:13:50 PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES I WILL REACH OUT MY HAND TO 00:13:52 THE DEMOCRATS ACROSS THE AISLE AND SAY, WE WILL WORK 00:13:56 TOGETHER. WE WILL WORK TOGETHER BECAUSE 00:13:58 THIS IS THE GREATEST NATION IN THE WORLD AND OUR BEST DAYS 00:14:01 ARE AHEAD OF US. BUT WE HAVE TO SHOW A COMMON 00:14:03 FRONT TO THREATS FROM COUNTRIES LIKE IRAN. 00:14:07 >> Dave: I MEAN, YOU DESCRIBE IT IN THOSE TERMS. 00:14:10 IF OUR BEST DAYS ARE AHEAD OF US-- AND WHAT A WONDERFUL 00:14:13 NOTION THAT IS-- IT'S GOING TO TAKE AN AWFUL LOT OF WORK JUST 00:14:16 TO GET BACK TO THE BREAK-EVEN POINT. 00:14:18 DON'T YOU THINK? >> WE HAVE PROBLEMS EVERYWHERE 00:14:21 IN THE WORLD. WE'RE STILL THE MOST POWERFUL, 00:14:24 THE MOST INNOVATIVE, THE FINEST GENERATION OF YOUNG 00:14:31 THE FINEST YOUNG AMERICANS TODAY. 00:14:33 THEY'RE VOLUNTEERING EVERYWHERE. 00:14:34 THEY ARE WORKING IN THEIR COMMUNITIES. 00:14:36 THEY'RE JOINING THE MILITARY, THE PEACE CPS, AMERICORPS. 00:14:39 I HAVE GREAT FAITH IN THIS GENERATION. 00:14:42 YOUNG AMERICANS. >> Dave: I WANT TO ADD 00:14:44 SOMETHING THAT TOM BROKAW SAID ON THIS SHOW MONTHS AND MONTHS 00:14:48 AGO. EVERYBODY FEELS TS WAY OR 00:14:49 SHOULD FEEL THIS WAY. IT'S ABSOLUTELY A 00:14:52 UNIVERSALITY. YOU CAN HATE THE WAR BUT YOU 00:14:54 CAN'T HATE THE WARRIORS. THAT'S JUST EXACTLY WHAT WE'VE 00:14:56 GOT HERE. ( APPLAUSE ) 00:15:05 >> I KNOW THAT WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. 00:15:08 A COUPLE WEEKS AGO, ABOUT THREE WEEKS AGO I WAS DOWN IN 00:15:10 SAN ANTONIO AT THE BROOK ARMY HOSPITAL. 00:15:12 THEY OPENED A REHAB CENTER THAT HAD BEEN PAID FOR BY 00:15:15 DONATIONS BY AMERICANS. 600,000 AMERICANS HAVE PAID 00:15:18 FOR THIS $50 MILLION FACILITY. WE ALL SAT DOWN, THERE WERE 00:15:22 4,000 PEOPLE THERE. SENATOR CLINTON AND I WERE 00:15:24 THERE TOGETHER. THEY SAID LET'S WELCOME OUR 00:15:28 HEROES AND THESE YOUNG PEOPLE CAME OUT WITH THEIR... ON 00:15:31 CRUTCHES AND IN WHEELCHAIRS. SOME BADLY BURNED. 00:15:34 AND EVERY ONE OF THEM WAS BRAVE AND PROUD AND WONDERFUL. 00:15:38 SO WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT POLITICAL AMBITIONS AND OTHER 00:15:41 THINGS IN OUR LIVES, IT PALES IN SIGNIFICANCE AS TO WHAT 00:15:46 THESE BRAVE YOUNG AMERICANS HAVE DONE. 00:15:47 >> Dave: WITHOUT QUESTION. WELL, LITS GOOD TO SEE YOU 00:15:51 AGAIN. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY AND 00:15:54 CONGRATULATIONS ONOUR CAMPAIGN FOR THE PRESIDENCY. 00:15:55 >> THANK YOU, SIR. >> Dave: MY PLEASURE. 00:15:59 SENATOR JOHN McCAIN. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, LADIES 00:16:02 AND GENTLEMEN. [TEEN TURNS ON ROCK MUSIC] 00:16:35 IT SAYS HERE THAT STRESS... [TURNS OFF RADIO] 00:16:37 CAN WEAK OUR IMMUNE SYSTEM. 00:16:40 AND ABOUT 70% OF OUR IMMUNE SYSTEM 00:16:42 IS IN OUR DIGESTIVE TRACT. RIGHT! APPARENTLY 00:16:44 A CULTURE CALLED L. CASEI 00:16:45 IMMUNITAS CAN HELP. IT IS CLINICALLY 00:16:47 PROVEN TO HELP STRENGTHEN YOUR BODY'S 00:16:49 DEFENSE SYSTEM. ONLY DANACTIVE HAS 00:16:51 L. CASEI IMMUNITAS. WE SHOULD TRY 00:16:54 THIS DANACTIVE! Announcer: NEW DANACTIVE... 00:17:04 BEHOLD... THE POWER OF PHANTOM. 00:17:06 GILLETTE FUSION POWER PHANTOM. 00:17:09 FUSION POW IS SO ADNCED, 00:17:11 YOU BARELY FEEL THE BLADES. 00:17:13 SHAVING CAN CREATE UNCOMFORTABLE FRICTION. 00:17:15 TURN ON FUSION POWER. SOOTHING MICROPULSES 00:17:17 HELP YOU REDUCE FRICTION... AND INCREASE RAZOR GLIDE. 00:17:20 YOU'LL BARELY FEEL THE BLADES, 00:17:22 YOU'LL REALLY FEEL THE DIFFERENCE. 00:17:24 THE COMFORT OF FIVE BLADES... 00:17:26 PLUS THE PRECISION OF ONE. FUSION POWER PHANTOM. 00:17:30 GILLETTE. THE BEST A MAN CAN GET. 00:19:45 ( (8 00:20:00 >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD POINT THERE ON SENATOR 00:20:03 McCAIN. WE'LL KEEP OUR EYE ON HIM. 00:20:06 FIND OUT WHERE HE MAKES THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. 00:20:08 >> Paul: EXACTLY. THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. 00:20:10 >> Dave: BOY, WE'LL JUST WAIT ON THAT ONE. 00:20:13 >> Paul: THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO. >> Dave: GIVE HIM A GOOD 00:20:17 TALKING TO. >> Paul: THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO. 00:20:18 >> Dave: HERE'S SOMETHING I WAS LOOKING THROUGH ONE OF MY 00:20:21 PERIODICALS THE OTHER DAY. PRINCE CHARLES, WHO IS THE 00:20:24 PRINCE OF.... >> Paul: HE'S THE PRINCE OF 00:20:32 WALES. >> Dave: I KNEW THAT. 00:20:34 HE WAS SHOOTING HIS MOUTH OFF ABOUT MacDONALD'S. 00:20:37 HE SAID McDONALD'S SHOULD BE OUTLAWED. 00:20:40 IT SHOULD BE OUTLAWED. THAT'S WHAT THE PRINCE OF 00:20:42 WALES SAID. AND I THINK THAT WE HAVE A 00:20:46 PICTURE OF HIM (LAUGHING). THERE HE IS RIGHT THERE. 00:20:51 YEARS AGO. SEE? 00:20:53 HERE, TAKE A LOOK AT HIM AFTER HE WENT TO McDONALD'S. 00:21:01 >> THAT'S THE JOKE? >> IS THAT THE JOKE? 00:21:04 ARE YOU STILL DOING JOKES ABOUT PRINCE CHARLES'S EARS? 00:21:08 COME ON. IS THAT THE JOKE? 00:21:10 ARE YOU STILL DOING JOKES' PRINCE CHARLES'S EARS. 00:21:14 >> Dave: WE JUST DID IT. IT WAS HILARIOUS. 00:21:16 >> THIS IS 2007. NOT 1984. 00:21:19 WAIT A MINUTE. IF IT IS 1984, I SURE AS HELL 00:21:22 WANT TO HEAR SOME CINDY LAUPER. 00:21:25 HIT IT, PAUL. >> Dave: NO, NO, NO. 00:21:31 THE PHONE RINGS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT 00:21:35 MY FATHER ASKS WHAT YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE 00:21:39 OH, DADDY, DEAR, YOU KNOW YOU'RE STILL NUMBER ONE 00:21:43 BUT GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN 00:21:45 YEAH, GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN 00:21:49 THEY JUST WANT TO... THEY JUST WANNA... 00:21:56 GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN YEAH! 00:22:04 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Dave: NICE GOING. 00:22:07 THANKS. DOES THAT MAKE YOU SICK TOO? 00:22:11 DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL A LITTLE SICK? 00:22:14 >> Paul: QUEASY. >> Dave: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 00:22:16 WITH ROBIN THICKE, EVERYBODY. (FEMALE ANNOUNCER) 00:22:51 IMPROVE THE HEALTH OF YOUR SKIN 00:22:53 WITH AVEENO DAILY MOISTURIZING LOTION. 00:22:54 THE NATURAL OATMEAL FORMULA GOES BEYOND 24 HOUR MOISTURE 00:22:57 TO IMPROVE SKIN'S HEALTH IN ONE DAY 00:22:59 WITH SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT IN TWO WEEKS. 00:23:01 I FOUND A MOISTURIZER FOR LIFE. (ANNOUNCER) 00:23:03 ONLY FROM AVEENO. >> DON'T GO AWAY BECAUSE 00:25:23 THERE'S MORE WKRP IN CINCINATTI COMING UP RIGHT 00:25:27 AFTER THESE MESSAGES. I HAVE SLAYED THE DRAGON, 00:25:34 AND COME FOR MY REWARD. WELL DONE. THIS IS FOR YOU. 00:25:40 THIS IS ALL I GET ? TERMS AND CONDITIONS STATE 00:25:41 THAT YOU MUST SLAY A MINIMUM OF FOUR DRAGONS BEFORE 00:25:43 CASH IS EARNED. TAIL MUST ALSO BE PROVIDED TO 00:25:45 PROVE THAT IT IS A DRAGON... NOT JUST A LARGE LIZARD... 00:25:48 IS THIS HOW YOUR CASH REWARDS CARD TREATS YOU ? 00:25:50 INTRODUCING NO HASSLE CASH REWARDS. 00:25:52 EARN CASH ON EVERY PURCHASE, EVERYWHERE. 00:25:54 PLUS A 25% ANNUAL BONUS. OH, YOU QUALIFY TO 00:25:55 MARRY MY DAUGHTER. [ SFX: HORSE ] 00:26:00 WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET ? HAIL TO ST. ARVIN 00:26:08 MAN, I'M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT A HORSE. 00:26:10 SHH, YOU'RE SO INSENSITIVE. HERE. 00:26:19 NEED FOOD NOW ? MAKE EASY MAC CUPS. 00:26:22 WARM, CHEESY KRAFT MAC AND CHEESE. 00:26:24 WHEN HUNGER HITS... QUICK, MIC SOME MAC. 00:26:27 WELL, PRETEND IT'S NOT HERE. THAT'S WHAT I DO. 00:26:29 Y'KNOW WHAT I MEAN ? THIS IS MY ACCOUNTING SYSTEM. 00:26:34 UNPAID INVOICES ARE ON THE PURPLE ONES. 00:26:35 IT'S STILL EVOLVING. OUR SALES FIGURES-- 00:26:37 THEY'RE ALL RIGHT HERE. I DESIGN MY OWSPREADSHEETS. 00:26:44 Announcer: THERE'S AN EASIER WAY QUICKBOOKS. 00:26:47 IT'S SO SIMPLE, YOU CAN BE UP AND RUNNING 00:26:49 IN UNDER 15 MINUTES. WITH JUST A W CLICKS, 00:26:50 YOU CAN WRITE CHECKS, SEND INVOICES, 00:26:54 SEE WHO'S PAID AND WHO HASN'T, AND MAKE TAX TIME A CINCH. 00:26:58 THIS IS SO MUCH SIMPLER. I'M AFRAID 00:27:04 IT'S MORE THAN A, UM... SPRING FLING. 00:27:08 HERE THEY ARE BEHIND THE COUCH... 00:27:09 ON THE BOOKCASE... RIGHT IN FRONT 00:27:11 OF THE WINDOW. I THINK IT'S OVER. 00:27:17 (FEMALE ANNOUNCER) THERE'S A BETTER WAY 00:27:19 TO REDUCE SPRINGTIME ALLERGENS. 00:27:20 SWIFFER DUSTERS. IT HAS THOUSANDS 00:27:22 OF DUST-LOCKING FIBERS TO TRAP AND LOCK 00:27:24 SPRINGTIME ALLERGENS THAT OLD DUSTERS 00:27:26 STIR BACK IN THE AIR. IT'S THE CLEANER 00:27:28 SPRING CLEANER. SAME TIME TOMORROW? 00:27:31 (ANNOUNCER) SWIFFER GIVES A WHOLE NEW MEANING. 00:27:34 IF YOU'RE A HEALTH NUT ABOUT YOUR SKIN, THIS IS A NATURAL. 00:27:37 LUBRIDERM SKIN NOURISHING LOTION... 00:27:39 WITH NATURAL SHEA NUT AND COCOA BUTTERS. 00:27:41 IT HELPS DRY SKIN DRAW IN AND RETAIN MOISTURE... 00:27:44 SO IT'S NATURALLY HEALTHY. LUBRIDERM 00:27:45 SKIN NOURISHING LOTION... WITH SHEA AND 00:27:47 COCOA BUTTERS. SAM FINDS BRUSHING BORING. 00:27:50 MY SECRET WEAPON... HOO-HOOO, LISTERINE 00:27:51 AGENT COOL BLUE. IT KILLS BAD BREATH GERMS 00:27:55 AND TURNS PLAQUE BLUE; SO HE CAN BRUSH 00:27:58 MORE EFFECTIVELY. SAM, NICE WORK. 00:28:01 LISTERE AGENT COOL BLUE FOR KIDS. 00:28:42 DODGE RAM -- THE LONGEST-LASTING, 00:28:44 MOST DURABLE LINE OF FULL-SIZE PICKUPS. 00:28:46 ( crash ) ( crash ) 00:28:49 ( crash ) NOW GET UP TO $5,000 00:28:51 CASH ALLOWANCE... ON DODGE RAM 1500. 00:28:55 DISCOVER AMERICA'S HOTTEST PRODUCTS AT YOUR DODGE DEALER. 00:29:12 >> Dave: ALL RIGHTY THEN. OUR NEXT GUEST IS A TALENTED 00:29:16 SIPGER SONGWRITER WHOSE CURRENT K DR. -- I HAVE A COPY 00:29:19 OF IT RIGHT HERE-- IS ENTITLED THE ELUTION OF ROBIN THICKE. 00:29:24 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE HE IS, ROBIN THICKE. 00:29:37 >> OH BABY I'M LOST WITHOUT YOU 00:29:50 CAN'T HELP MYSELF HOW DOES IT FEEL 00:29:56 TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU BABY TELL ME HOW YOU LOVE ME MORE 00:30:04 AND HOW YOU THINK I'M SEXY, BABY THAT YOU DON'T WANT NOBODY 00:30:06 ELSE YOU DON'T WANT THIS GUY 00:30:09 YOU DON'T WANT THAT GUY YOU WANNA 00:30:13 TOUCH YOURSELF WHEN YOU SEE ME TELL ME H YOU LOVE MY BODY 00:30:17 AND HOW I MAKE YOU FEEL, BABY YOU WANNA ROLL WITH ME 00:30:21 YOU WANNA HOLD WITH ME YOU WANNA STAY WARM 00:30:23 AND GET OUT OF THE COLD WITH ME 00:30:26 I JUST LOVE TO HEAR YOU SAY IT IT MAKES A MAN FEEL GOOD, BABY 00:30:31 TELL ME YOU DEPEND ON ME I NEED TO HEAR IT 00:30:34 I'M LOST WITHOUT YOU CAN'T HELP MYSELF 00:30:40 HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU, BABY 00:30:46 I'M LOST WITHOUT YOU CAN'T HELP MYSELF 00:30:51 HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU, BABY 00:31:00 BABY, YOU'RE THE PERFECT SHAPE BABY, YOU'RE THE PERFECT WEIGHT 00:31:05 TREAT ME LIKE MY BIRTHDAY I WANT IT THIS WAY 00:31:08 I WANT IT THAT WAY I WANT IT 00:31:11 TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STOP 00:31:13 TELL ME IT WOULD BREAK YOUR HEART 00:31:16 THAT YOU LOVE ME AND ALL MY DIRTY 00:31:19 YOU WANNA ROLL WITH ME YOU WANNA HOLD WITH ME 00:31:31 I JUST LOVE TO HEAR YOU SAY IT MAKES A MAN FEEL GOOD 00:31:33 BABY I'M LOST WITHOUT YOU 00:31:36 CAN'T HELP MYSELF HOW DOES IT FEEL 00:31:40 TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU, BABY I'M LOST WITHOUT YOU 00:31:45 CAN'T HELP MYSELF HOW DOES IT FEEL 00:31:50 TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU, BABY 'CAUSE YOU WILL TELL ME 00:32:00 EVERY MORNING OH YEAH 00:32:17 OH BABY I'M LOST WITHOUT YOU 00:32:23 CAN'T HELP MYSELF HOW DOES IT FEEL 00:32:28 TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU, BABY. CAN'T HELP MYSELF 00:32:38 HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT I LOVYOU, BABY 00:32:46 LOST WITHOUT YOU LOST WITHOUT YOU 00:32:48 LOST WITHOUT YOU LOST WITHOUT YOU 00:32:52 LOST WITHOUT YOU OH 00:33:07 >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD TO HAVE YOU. 00:33:08 HOW IS YOUR FATHER DOING? GOOD, TELL HIM I SAID HELLO. 00:33:13 ROBIN THICKE, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.