CELEBRITIES
Sound Bite: Roddy Piper – on the bear he wrestled
I told you when I was 19 years old I won the light heavyweight championship from Chav Guevara, and you know in those days I had a big head and I had a black Cadillac leased and I had a girl on each arm, in those days I had 3 arms goin. And the promoter’s sayin to me, Piper, Piper, and I’m leaving the building, Tomorrow, you’re wrestling Vic. I don’t give a damn, I’ll wrestle anybody, da da da da. Next day it was Fresno, California. Now this is a true story you can look it up on the internet. I came bouncing up the stairs in Fresno, California to the back, and I come around the corner, and here I came, and in front of me was a 650 pound Kodiak bear with a pint of wild turkey drinking the wild turkey ahhh and he dropped the wild turkey and the trainer gave him a coca-cola ahhh and the promoters yellin at me because I’m late, and I’m lookin at him, it was Victor the Bear, it wasn’t Victor Bear, the was very important there, and I’m lookin and I’m gonna get fired if I don’t wrestle this bear, and this bear doesn’t seem to bother him that I’m the light heavyweight champion of the world. Now the guy, the trainer he starts to tell me the rules of wrestling a 650 pound bear and he says to me, he says Now Victor, don’t punch him in the snout or pull his fur because he don’t like that and them paws he gonna break your neck. Let me get this straight, I got a drunk bear that’s gonna break my neck, Now don’t get your finger back in his back teeth, we’ve taken the front teeth out for your protection, but back there, he gonna bite your finger off. Drunk bear gonna bite my finger off and break my neck, and I’m lookin over at the promoter and he doesn’t care, he’s got a toupee on looks like poodle road kill, he could care less just as long as he got the money. Now I’m stupid enough to look at this bear and try to figure out how I’m gonna beat him, so now, this is the only part I found funny about the damn story, as the trainer’s goin by, you know I get away from the bear, then you know, Hidey doo, I’m Rod, you’re Victor. And as the trainer’s goin by he says, Victor don’t like standing on his hind legs unless he’s drinkin, so he had a 4 foot stick, so when the bell rings I’m gonna poke him in the bum with this stick and that’ll bring him up. I bet you it will. You get underneath him. So there I am, watchin the trainer bring Victor to the ring, I had a friend, I thought, Jay the Alaskan York, I love you bro, and he’s pattin my bum, Jay I gotta fight a bear, go away. Still pattin my bum. Jay, a couple of profanities, leave me alone. Ahahaha. He goes, go get em kid. Yeah thanks. In the ring, ding, poke, up, Rod under. Now first thing, you know if a man’s wrestled a bear or not, how do you win a wrestling match? You pin a man’s shoulders. Bear ain’t got no shoulders. You don’t realize that till you get there. Bears are natural wrestlers. First thing this bear did was inside arm drag me, and I fell down on my tummy. Go back to Jay York. When he was pattin my bum, he went and got as much honey as he could and smeared that honey all over my bum and when Victor arm dragged me and I landed on my tummy he found the honey and it was time for a banquet and he was all over my trunks and he was lickin my trunks, then he ran out of honey, and now the front claws were takin out for my protection, so he started pulling my trunks down because Victor felt the deeper in the hive, the more the honey, now I got 6 feet of tongue and 8 feet of bear nose up my bum lookin for honey, and I’m snout punchin and I’m fur pullin, but it ain’t doin nothing, and I guess they got a deal on the Jack Daniels, Jim Beam or whatever the hell it was because the trainer was drunk and fell asleep, and Victor was all over me 2500 people laughing at me until and they finally got the bear off me and my trunks were down to my knees like a halter and I was in my baby suit in all my glory and I went to get out of the ring, and my boot caught the second rope and I did a header on the concrete and I knocked myself out. I’m knocked out naked, there’s Victor in the ring pulling on a ?, he’s had a banquet, and that’s the name of that story, and for years anybody that mentioned that story would have a reaction. (talks) Yeah, that’s Victor the Bear you just, Beery, Victor Beery, and I think it’s spelled B E E R Y and you will find victor. I believe they had to kill him because for reasons that.